i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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