I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
