I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
