WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
