i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
