You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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