didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
