Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
