my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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