Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
