theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
