Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
