y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
