Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
