The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
