Please, let me fuck your mom
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
