So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
