Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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