I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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