So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
