Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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