I can text with my tongue
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
