How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
