once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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