nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
