Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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