There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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