i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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