mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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