Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
