I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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