Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
