"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
