You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
