are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
