u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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