She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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