I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
