# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
