Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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