i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
