Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
