i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
