So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
