why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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