is your mom at the bar?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
