dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
