she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
