Cold hands, warm shart.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
