oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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