She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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